Yes, perhaps. But I understand that at this moment my role in her life is to support her as she works through the monumentous task of overcoming her demons.
It doesn’t happen overnight. There are times when she doesn’t even want to be touched. Or there are times when all she wants is to be held at night while she waits for the sleeping tablets to kick in.
Do I regret our relationship? Do I regret marrying her? Not at all. Because what she brings to my life, the joy and love and support in my own life… it far outweighs sex. Sex, for me, is an added bonus, and when it does happen, it’s amazing because the absolute trust is there and it becomes magical.
I love my wife, not sex. I love this woman I have chosen to spend my life with. I made a vow to stand by her through everything, and she to stand by me.
Thank you. I also needed to read this! I was feeling quite sad over the mis-match in the area of libido, but some of the reasons you mention are reasons in our relationship too. While I’d love more passion, we definitely have intimacy and love, and you’re right – those things are way more important.
Plenty of couples who’ve been together for a while have sex twice a month, and if you’re not satisfied with having sex twice a month, that’s not an unrecoverable situation
Yes, I know! I remember having sex with a woman for the first time (which also = having sex for the first time ever for me) and being blown away that we spent 4 hours doing it…and every other time we had sex at the beginning of that long-term relationship.
Ha ha, yeah, I guess part of that is, with many men, once they’re “done,” they are, ya know, done. Finished. Even if you aren’t. :p
I’ve been with my partner for over a year now. Before we had sex multiple times a week and now twice per month. I’m pretty sure it isn’t one of the things mentioned in the article. That means my relationship is dying, right? Maybe I’m not attracted to her anymore. Maybe we’ve outgrown each other. I’m so sad. I could never break up with her. I don’t wanna hurt her.
Intimacy and love is not just about sex
I can’t tell if you’re being serious or sarcastic, but… twice a month doesn’t mean your relationship is dead unless you think it means your relationship is dead. It’s not like going from nothing to every week – if you’re willing to talk to your partner and you’re willing to do some of the work of initiating more, there’s a pretty good chance that you can start having sex more frequently if your partner is also on board with that.
What’s really a concern is that (again, IF this is serious) you think that the sort-of-infrequent sex means your relationship is dying. It’s also not a good sign if, when you’re considering a breakup, your most prominent reason you shouldn’t break up is “my partner would be sad if I broke up with them.” People who are happy apart from one issue generally try to point out that everything else is great.
Think about your relationship in general apart from the sex frequency issues. Is this a relationship you want to continue being part of? Is this a relationship you want to continue being part of only if certain things change? Are these things that you could realistically work on changing (i.e. “I wish we made more time to talk” rather than “I wish I liked them more”), and would you rather stay and work on those things, or would you rather be on your own for now/try to find another relationship where those things aren’t a problem?